大哭过后，一切就会没事了。。。




没事了。。




没事了。。




没事了。。




没事了。。




没事了。。




没事了。。




没事了。。




没事了。。





I din't knw.. 'revenge' actually exist between couples.

revenge..

You wanna knw why I won't give him up this time?
Ask yourself what you did.
The very first time, i did what you want me to.
You took my phone, msg Ben, and kinda scold him off.
My phone = my name.
and when he msg me later on asking whether it's my bf doing so, you make me say that it's me who say it, not you.
He's someone close to me then. He knew that i won't do so, that's why he'll ask me that.
But what did you do?
You don't even dare to say that it's YOU, not ME.

Then?
It's your turn.
You can say that I HAVE NO RIGHTS to do so.
She's not even close to you..
Why?
When i can do so for your sake, this is what i get in return?
How you want me to give things up for your sake for the second time?
When i have such an experience before?

You accused me of cheating.
I can only say i din't.
Whatever he wrote on his blog, I only knw about it when i read.
I found out, the way you found out too.
I din't ask him to promise to call me.
I din't ask him to promise me anything.
You want to accuse me, fine.
I have gotten used to it.

It's always like this whenever we quarrel.
Whenever it started out with you, it always ended with me.
I'm always the one to blame.
Me. Me. Me.
and me again..

Why are you doing this?
Trying to find some comfort?
If it's so, then fine.
I receive all the blame.
Tell all your friends that I cheated on you.
Let them see you as the victim.
If it will let you feel better.

But what about me..

You say, contacting back all your friends, and your ex (now you admit that she's your ex), is because you want to revenge.
Ya. Revenge..
Without finding out things first..
You got your revenge.

Or should i say, your revenge has destroyed everything.
If you make clear of things first, should i say that such things won't happen?

Don't forget that I told you, that I am getting and feeling better...
I seriously was.
But you,
and your action,
has destroyed them all....

I know you'll be there for me no matter what.
I know you'll never abandon me.
I know you'll always let me hug you to sleep.

I know you love me, my dear bear bear.

=)

爱得太累。。
我好想逃离这个世界。
哈！
如果，真的可以那么容易，那该多好。

我好怕。
从来没那么害怕。。

我的世界，瞬时崩塌在我眼前。

I have the urge, to go to Tanjong Pagar Railway Station all by myself, buy a ticket, goes to another country and maybe spend a few days there..

It's so tiring to fake a smile whenever I'm out of my room.
Let me escapeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Hug me tight, and tell me that everything will be alright..

='(

You have your family, your friends.

I have nobody.


Go ahead and whine your biased story to everyone you know.
I only know that I can't possible give up my only close friend in exchange for you to give up contacting your ex gf (who you can call her babe. whatever).
Is she as important to you, as he is to me?
You want me to give him up, it's the same as me asking you to give up all your 'brothers'.
Leaving you with nobody close.
So what if i give him up for your sake?
You can't guarantee a happily ever after..

You said i lied to you.
Ain't you doing so too..?
I don't question. For i know that you'll say you forget.

Why, when i want to contact my friends in the past, you can stop me.
And now, when you want to contact your friends, your babe too, back, you say i'm being unreasonable, not open, and not understanding?

Why, when on that day, you can tell me that you understand where I'm coming from, that I'm feeling super insecured because of the relationship you had with her, and you know what you should do, but the next day, you saved her no. and asked her how she's doing?
And why yesterday, you can ask me to repeat what i've said on that day because you forget?

Why, when you make me give up my good friend in the past, using my phone to msg him, it's right of you to do so even if I detest it?
And why, when i tell you that this particular person, that you're not even close to (like you met her online maybe), is making me feel insecured, you say I have no right in asking you to stop contacting her..
You can still tell me that you met her last time when working.
And she's only 15 this year.
I'm amazed by how young she starts working.
You may argue, that in the end you still stopped. But it's the words that you say before you stop that hurts.
When you request that from me, I din't really utter any unhappiness.
Maybe I'm too stupid then.

And why, when on the 7th, you promised with your heart and soul that you won't nag at me anymore, especially when I'm having a headache, but you did so yesterday, just because you're stressed and you gave warning. So i should take you warning and what? Get my head to stop aching immediately?

I din't knw, that asking a girl that you din't even meet before out to 'la kopi' is socialising.
I din't knw, that calling your ex gf 'babe' when you know that you gf will knw, is acceptable and VERY common.
I din't knw, that when it's me contacting my ex, it's called not considering your feeling, and when it's you contacting your ex, it's called me being not open and understanding.
I din't knw, that you and your babe can exchange lovey mushy msg in the past (saying I love you, you love me) when you say you two have never started, and she's not your ex. It has, just that none of you said it out. duh.

I din't knw, that every single promise you made, are meant to be broken, one by one, cruelly, in my face, piercing me hard.

我快崩溃了。。

I realise,

that i have to start searching and hunting for a year 2010 planner or diary or whatever you call that!

ah HA!

That's something i should be excited about. =D

I gave up totally.
Seriously seriously seriously.
Keep saying things that you don't mean it at all.
Hais.
I'm so tired and sick of it.

-

My exams have officially ended.
*yay.....*
1 week break, and there i am in school for sem 3.

I so wanna go shopping.
Haaa.

I have a very stupid dream now.
I wanna save up as much as i can, and escape from this stupid place.
lollollol.

You say you know what to do, you understand where i'm coming from, and you will show me actions to make me feel secured.

So, this is your 'action'?

Still can say that I'm not open, not understand?

You're one fucking ass man.

My bf contacts his ex GIRLFRIEND back and call her 'babe'.
Still say 'wah our god daughter bla bla bla'.

Since you have such a 'happy family' there, then go reunite with them la.


FUCKING ASSHOLE.

dint know that you can do such a thing when you jolly well know that i hate it.
Still dare to say i not understanding.
Ya la.
ME LA.
yes yes. I not understanding enough to understand that you're such a person.

A leopard will never change its spots.

幸福，它好遥远。
其实，我知道我想要的是什么。
但我不知道该如何，或是谁，是什么，才能给我，让我得到我所想要的。

其实，很简单。
我想要天天快乐，就算不富裕也行。
钱嘛，够用就好。。
和有个能让我安心依靠的人。
稳定。安定。安稳。
让我感觉到自己对他非常重要。。。

这，很过分吗？

-

I hate smokers..
they're nothing but selfish.
smoke for their own pleasure, but when their health suffers, it is not only them that feels the hardship.
Did they even bother about people around them?
And what's with non-smokers having to wait for smokers to finish their cigg?
Stand there looking like idiots.
And have to inhale second-hand smoke.
Isn't it selfish?
Making others to wait for you, and still think that it by right should be like that.
wth.

五月天-疯狂世界

如果说了后悔
是不是一切就能倒退
回忆多么美
活着多么狼狈
为什么这个世界
总要叫人尝伤悲
我不能了解
也不想了解

我好想好想飞
逃离这个疯狂世界
那么多苦那么多累
那么多莫名的泪水
我好想好想飞
逃离这个疯狂的世界
如果是你发现了我
也别将我挽回

想了你一整夜
再也想不起你的脸
你是一种感觉
写在夏夜晚风里面
青春是挽不回的水
转眼消失在指间
用力的浪费
再用力的后悔

我好想好想飞
逃离这个疯狂世界
那么多苦那么多累
那么多莫名的泪水
我好想好想飞
逃离这个疯狂的世界
如果是你发现了我
也别将我挽回


P.S. 如果我能找到他们的第一张专辑，我死而无憾。

Me : I wanna eat this..
B : Can don't want? Save money.

Few hours later.

B : I going pub with whoever-whoever-whoever tml.




Nice one.
Still can tell me that you will try your best to save.
Still wanna use the reason 'it's their last day' for you to spend.
Their last day = their problem.

Dumbass. I hate this feeling.
It's like how my mum keep nagging at me to switch off this and that after use, but that person can just leave them on and get away with it.
Still can on air-con and enjoy.
Like the whole damn family save for his to waste.
fuck up.

Life is never ever fair.
and i hate myself for being alive.

I am trying very hard to study for accounts.
It's giving me massive headaches....
haha.

Luckily, i have all these.

A cup of hot green tea.

And cookies that I've baked yesterday.

Lovely.

=)

I am craving for Ding Tai Fung,

and heavy dose of Christmas carol!!

=D

Freaking cold.
I think, i'll have to either bring my comforter everywhere i go, or go buy winter wear.
~.~

下雨了。
好冷啊。
手好冰。。 =（

头又疼死了。
It's a horrible feeling..

今天，是雨天。

Rainy day makes me hungry.
=D

I went,

JOGGING

today.

=)

I can't seem to concentrate on my work....

Hmmmm.

3 more months to my 21st birthday..
It makes me feel sick.

haha.


So suddenly, i want to go shopping. =(

我想吃苹果。
=D

Lessons have officially ended for Sem II.
But there's still Stats revision on Friday.

It's exams next week!
Accounts, Law then Stats.

Work hard.
努力，努力，再努力。
我一定行。
哈哈。

I don't know. <-- This is what I have been saying alot recently.

我不知道，是自己爱得太累了，还是累得不想去爱了。
我什么都不想做，不想想，不想管了。

你快乐吗？
我快乐吗？
大家快乐吗？

Good day people.
I'm freaking tired.

我又不想起床了！
好累啊。
已经两晚没睡好了。。
头快暴了。

lol.
fuck.
haha.

I want Christmas to fast fast come.

Take care, kaiboon.
I'll see you after 3 weeks.

我到底怎么了。。？

It's e last time.
Please, do treasure it.

Another chance, or not?

又是这一首歌。。

脱下长日的假面奔向梦幻的疆界
南瓜马车的午夜换上童话的玻璃鞋
让我享受这感觉我是孤傲的蔷薇
让我品尝这滋味纷乱世界的不了解
昨天太近明天太远默默聆听那黑夜
晚风吻尽荷花叶任我醉倒在池边
等你清楚看见我的美月光晒干眼泪


那一个人爱我


将我的手紧握


抱紧我吻我喔爱~~~别走

隐藏自己的疲倦表达自己的狼狈
放纵自己的狂野找寻自己的明天
向你要求的誓言就算是你的谎言
我需要爱的慰借就算那爱已如潮水

一睁开眼的第一个感觉：
阳光好刺眼。
第二：
头好痛。
第三：
眼睛好不舒服，很明显是为了什么。
第四：
好冷。
第五：
好想睡到明天去。
第六：
这个世界好恶心。
fuck.

This is going to be a long, and meaningless post.

I know this is what i want, but i can't help sobbing.
I don't know what I am feeling.
It's all jumbled up, mixed up.

I'm scared.
I'm afraid.

我真的好累。
自从我做出离开和放下音乐的决定是，我似乎已经放弃一切。
自暴自弃，我不再相信自己。
错。这由不得我选，所以因该说是我无法再相信我自己。
我，不再是我。
一个不知道灵魂已飞到哪的人，也不知道到底灵魂还存不存在，找不找得回来的人。
我放弃了所有，包括朋友。
我变得一无所有，我变得好自闭。啊！是我活该吧。
我好怕。
我变得好害怕改变。
从那时到现在，脑海里一直有着这样的念头。
“算了吧。认命吧。希望老天会成全我，然我早一点离开。”
我放弃了自己的生命。真的。
但我没勇气结束它。我把它，交给老天。
这，不算自私了吧？
让我平静的老去，再死去，是我最开心的事。
我不奢望拥有什么，也不渴求得到什么。
我只想快快乐乐的快过完这一生。
这，是我最大的愿望吧。
是我隐藏在内心深处最最最最最大的愿望。
没人知道的愿望。

我可是提起最大的勇气，说我需要时间。
我需要时间，找回自己。
我需要时间，知道自己到底想要什么。
我好累。
我需要时间休息。

心累了，该怎么办？
我对所有的一切，都麻木了。
我哭了，但我不知道我是为了什么掉泪。
我笑了，也不知道是为了什么而笑。
痛是什么？痛，是麻醉吧。
我觉得，我根本不是人。

我快疯了吧。

好想抛下这里的一切，到一个没有人认得我的地方从新开始。
可是我知道，这是一个无法实现的梦。

我真想和这个世界说再见。
哈哈！
也许我会快乐一点。
但现实，总归现实。
现实世界的我，没那个勇气。

总之，一个字。
傷。

I know I seldom update recently.
Was busy with assignments, and actually I still am.
Haha.

The past few days were torturous.
You know why?
Cuz I can't speak at all!
So damn fucking idiotic la.
I lost my voice.
Hais.
=(

But I am recovering already.
So that's a good thing.
=D

Exams are coming!!
Hai.
And i got 78/100 for my law test.
Not bad ah.
Did i even mention that I get 48 / 50 for my stats test?
I think i still love Maths.
Haha.